115. Why Your Life Feels Empty When Nothing Is Actually Wrong: The “Just Fine” Trap

Holly Toscanini: For most of us, our lives are pretty hard to complain about. They're not bad. Nothing is wrong exactly. We have a job that pays the bills, relationships that mostly work, a routine that holds everything together. Maybe even a calendar full of responsibilities and appointments and errands and people to check in on. So by most external measures, things are fine. And we know this. We remind ourselves of it regularly. Usually, right around the time that that quiet feeling starts creeping in, that restless, flat, hard to name feeling that makes you wonder why you're not happier. Then immediately comes the second thought, what is wrong with me? I should be grateful. And maybe you are grateful. Maybe you are deeply grateful. Maybe there are parts of your life that you love, parts that you would fiercely protect. And still, Underneath all that gratitude, something feels off. Not dramatically, not like a crisis, not like you need to throw your entire life into a dumpster and light a match. Not like that. But something does feel flat. Something feels muted, like you're living a life that really works well on paper, but doesn't fully feel like yours anymore. That's what today is about. Today is about the honest, necessary reckoning with the just fine life. The life that's functional, respectable, maybe even enviable from the outside, but quietly costing you your energy, your desire, and your self-trust. Because here's the truth, your just fine life isn't free. And at some point, especially in midlife, fine stops becoming convincing. Welcome back to How to Lose the Weight. I'm Holly Toscanini, and this is episode number five of a 12-week podcast journey to help you see where you've been waiting, help you name the hidden conditions that are running your life and start rebuilding self-trust one honest micro move at a time. Listen, you're not stuck because you don't have any confidence. You think you're stuck because you've been living under conditions that you didn't choose. And this series is going to help you start breaking through those conditions one small step at a time. And today closing out the first phase of the WAIT framework, ⁓ the witness phase. ⁓ the past several weeks, we have been ⁓ the invisible patterns visible because you can't change a pattern that you can't see, right? We've been showing you that you can exhaust yourself trying. Of course, women are very creative that way, right? But real change starts when the pattern finally a name. We've talked about outsourcing your authority too. All the voices, opinions, experts, relatives, partners, imaginary judges that you consult before you trust yourself. And we've talked about the research loop. When gathering more information becomes just a sophisticated form of procrastinating. We've also talked about the someday cycle. The way your desires get pushed into the future with one little condition attached. I'll do it when. fill in the blank. And last week we talked about fear with a planner. When waiting feels responsible, organized, and strategic, but it's often just fear disguised as responsibility. Now today's episode is the final witness episode, and it's just a little different because this one isn't about one specific dream that you've been delaying. It isn't about a single decision that you're overthinking. and it isn't about a bold desire sitting on your Sunday list, tapping its foot and quietly checking its watch. This episode is about the life you're already living, specifically the parts of your life you've stopped questioning because they're tolerable. I call this the just fine trap and it may be the quietest version of waiting that I've found because nothing looks obviously wrong. I mean, you're functioning, you're showing up, you're... You're handling your life. You're doing what needs to be done on a daily basis. And that is exactly why the pattern is just so easy to miss. Today, we're gonna talk about what the just fine life actually costs, why tolerable is not the same as enough, and how women often end up living under invisible conditions they never consciously chose. Then I'll walk you through a preview of the clarity practice from the unweighting quick start guide and mini course. This is going to help you break one condition, not all of them, but just one that's been holding you back and you can do it in 24 hours or less. In this mini course, I'm going to ask you four questions to help you begin hearing what's been buried just underneath all those just fine feelings. Think of today as a taste of what's inside the Quick Start. And by the end of this episode, if something inside you is saying, this is me, I want you to trust that signal because this episode is designed to help you see the pattern. Now the unweighting quick start was designed to help you interrupt the pattern. See? See the pattern? Interrupt the pattern. Got it. Let's start with the pattern. Here's how the Just Fine Trap really works. At some point, and it's rarely a dramatic moment, you stopped asking yourself whether the life you're living was actually the life that you wanted. Not because you sat down one day and said, you know what sounds really fun? quietly abandoning my dreams and desires for several decades. That's not usually how this happens. It happens gradually. You get busy. You become responsible. You build the life you were supposed to build. You're taking care of people. You're making practical choices. You're doing what makes sense, right? I mean, you're keeping the machine running quietly in the background so everybody else can live their lives. And little by little, the question changes. Instead of asking, what do I want? You start asking what needs to get done? What will keep the peace? What can I manage better? What will everyone else in my life be okay with? What's realistic? What is responsible? And listen, those are not bad questions. there are seasons of life when these questions really matter most. ⁓ We do have responsibilities. I know We have bills. We have people we love that need us. We have commitments we cannot break. We have bodies and energy levels and real world limitations. And I'm not here to sell you the fantasy that reinvention somehow means ignoring reality and buying a one-way ticket to Bali because someone on your Instagram said your nervous system wanted you to eat more mangoes. That is not this podcast. What I am saying is this, when practical questions become the only questions you ask, your life can become functional, but disconnected. It can keep moving without actually feeling alive. That is the just fine trap. You settle into what works, what's manageable, what causes the least amount of stress or friction, what doesn't require a difficult conversation or require you to disappoint anybody. And eventually, the life you're tolerating starts to feel like the life you chose. But those aren't always the same thing. That's the part that we need to be honest about because so many women in midlife are not living terrible lives. We're living lives built around old agreements. I'll be the dependable one, the easy one, the one who ⁓ understands needs. I'm gonna be the one who makes the adjustments so everyone else is comfortable. The one who keeps things together, the one who doesn't need too much. Those agreements stop feeling like choices. They start feeling like your identity. You stop noticing the pace of life that leaves you depleted. And you stop requesting and questioning the relationship dynamic that you've long since learned to sort of work around. You stop wondering whether that work that pays the bills is also costing you some essential part of yourself. And you stop asking why the creative part of you got shelved. and you stop noticing how often you edit yourself in certain rooms. You stop paying attention to how many decisions are built around not rocking the boat. Now, none of these things are catastrophic, I know. That's exactly what makes them so easy to justify. Because if your life were falling apart, you'd have permission to be unhappy and uncomfortable and make radical change. But when your life is fine, that discomfort feels unearned. It feels ungrateful or dramatic, like a problem you're not allowed to have. So you talk yourself out of having it. You focus on what's working and remind yourself of what you have. You tell yourself other people have it so much worse. And you're right. You stay busy. You manage the emptiness. But underneath all of that, something essential keeps getting quieter. Not because it left, but because you stopped asking. what it needed. One of the reasons the just fine trap is so hard to see is because it often hides inside a life that looks completely acceptable from the outside. Maybe even impressive. You have made a home, a career, a family, a reputation. There is a version of yourself people can rely on. And there may be real goodness in that. This is important because I'm not asking you to look at your life with contempt. I'm not asking you to become suspicious of everything that is stable, familiar, or practical even. Some parts of your life may be genuinely good and worth protecting. Some parts may be beautiful and the result of choices you are still proud of. The issue isn't that. It's not that everything is wrong. The issue is that some things may no longer be true for you. That's different because there are parts of a life that can be good for one version of you and too small for the version of you who is emerging right now. There are choices that made perfect sense 10 years ago or 20 years ago that no longer fit the woman you are becoming. Those are old roles that once gave you a sense of purpose, but now sort of feel like, I don't know, a costume with a zipper pulled halfway up the back. It just doesn't fit. And because nothing is technically wrong, you keep telling yourself to be grateful and move on. But the body knows, your energy knows. Your resentment knows, your daydreams know, your lack of enthusiasm definitely knows and probably shows. That weird little moment when somebody asks, so what do you want? And your mind goes completely blank. That knows too. Sometimes the emptiness isn't a sign that your life is bad. It's a sign that your life has become too narrow for the person you are now. That is a very different conversation and it deserves more than Well, I should be grateful. Gratitude is not the problem here, but gratitude is not supposed to be used as a gag order. You can be grateful for your life and still admit that parts of it no longer fit. You can love the people in your life and still need more room to breathe. You can appreciate work and still know it's not the whole expression of who you are. And you can honor what you've built. but still recognize that some of it was built by a version of you who was trying to survive or to be approved of or to keep everything held together. Both things can be true. You can be grateful and you can want more. That does not make you selfish. It makes you honest. And honesty is where the unweighting method begins. There's another piece of this that I want to name. The just fine trap often turns into what I call conditional living. Now conditional living is what happens when your real life keeps getting postponed until some invisible requirement has been met. And it could sound something like, okay, I'll rest when everything is done. Or I'll speak up when I know nobody's going to be upset by what I say. Or I'll make that change when things get bad enough, but they're not there yet. Or I'll start when I feel more ready. I'll book the trip when I lose WAIT. I'll wear the clothes when my body is different somehow. I'm on a date when I feel more confident. I'll make the decision when I am completely sure of the outcome. I'll choose myself when everybody else around me is okay. It's a lot, I know, but conditional living is sneaky because it sounds so responsible. It sounds mature. It sounds like you're simply waiting for the right time. But the condition keeps moving. That's the problem. You think you're waiting for clarity, but when clarity comes and suddenly you need more research. You think you're waiting for confidence, but then a little shows up and suddenly you need a better plan. Maybe you think you're waiting until the kids get older, then you can do it. When the job slows down, ⁓ lose WAIT, the timing improves, your finances are stable, the fear all goes away. And then one day you look around and realize that ⁓ was the real gatekeeper to the change. The condition was the language, the WAIT. pattern used to keep you safe and acceptable and yes, stuck. That's why the just fine life can be so expensive. It doesn't always cost you in obvious ways. It happens slowly over time. It costs you energy, the energy it takes to keep going through the motions, the energy it takes to override what you already know, the energy to perform contentment when part of you is quietly whispering, this is not it. It costs you your identity because When you spend years being the practical one, the easy one, the capable one, the low maintenance one, the I'm fine one, you can forget there's a fuller version of you underneath all of that competence. It costs you your desire because desire doesn't usually disappear all at once. It gets negotiated down. It gets made more acceptable. It gets postponed until later. It gets explained away as unrealistic or selfish. or inconvenient or embarrassing or too late or too much or not important enough, whatever. It costs you your body because the body is often the first place we feel the truth we are trying to manage. You know the feeling, the tight chest, the shallow breath, the jaw tension, that exhaustion, that sleep doesn't quite fix, the heaviness you just can't explain. The way your body says no long before your mouth is willing to get you up. and it costs you your self-trust. Now this is going to be the biggest cost as far as I see because every single time you tolerate something that is quietly draining you and tell yourself that it's not that bad, you teach yourself that your inner signals are negotiable. Every time you dismiss your own discomfort because it's inconvenient, you teach yourself that you shouldn't trust your feelings, that trusting your intuition is somehow irrelevant. Every single time you say, it's fine, when it's not fully fine, you widen the gap between the life that you're living and the life that actually belongs to you. That gap is exhausting. And for so many of us in midlife, it's when that gap becomes impossible to ignore. Not because you're falling apart, but because you're finally telling the truth. That's why I say midlife isn't a crisis, but a reckoning. It is the season when the old explanations just don't work anymore. All those old agreements stop fitting your life. The old rewards stop feeling rewarding. Being good and pleasing and polished and productive and endlessly available no longer feels like success. It starts to feel like a gilded cage. And the question then becomes, what is my just fine life costing me? Now I wanna take just a second here because this is where a lot of women get tangled up. I'm not making a case for blowing up a functional life. I'm not. I'm making a case for honesty. There is a difference. Now tolerable means it doesn't break you. Enough means it actually feeds you. And those are not the same thing. But women who have spent decades prioritizing function over feeling often confuse those two things. If it works, it must be fine. If it's fine, it must be enough. If it's enough, waiting more must or wanting more must be selfish. And that logic deserves a closer look because wanting more does not mean you're ungrateful. It might mean you're waking up. And I know how inconvenient, right? Awake women are always ruining perfectly good coping strategies, but your discomfort is an automatically in gratitude. Sometimes discomfort is just information. Sometimes restlessness isn't a problem that needs to be fixed, but a signal you need to hear. And sometimes the ache under the surface is not evidence that something's wrong with you. It's evidence that something inside you is ready to stop being managed. One of the most common things I see in women living a just fine life is that they're not lacking gratitude. They're often overflowing with it. There's gratitude everywhere. They are so grateful. They use gratitude like emotional duct tape. And gratitude is beautiful. It matters. And it can genuinely help us notice what is good and meaningful and precious in our lives. But when gratitude is used to silence honest self-acknowledgement, it stops being a spiritual practice and starts becoming a containment strategy. You can be grateful for your life and still admit that parts of it no longer fit. That's okay. You can love your family and still need more space. You can appreciate your work and still know it's not the whole entire expression of who you are. It's possible to honor what you've built and still recognize that you built some of it for a version of you who was trying to survive, to be approved of, or just to keep everything held together. You're allowed to be a responsible adult and still want more than tolerable. Wanting more does not make you selfish, it makes you honest. And honesty is where the unweighting begins. Because a just fine trap depends on you not asking the sharper questions. Not is this bad, but is this still true for me? Not can I tolerate this any longer, but what is tolerating this costing me? Not do I have a good enough reason to change, but what am I waiting for before I allow myself to want something more or different? That's the question. What are you waiting for? Are you waiting until your body changes? Until your confidence gets better and improves? Until somebody gives you permission? Until nobody else needs you? Until the timing is perfect? I mean, are you waiting until you can explain it in a way everybody around you is gonna understand? Because that day may never come. Maybe you're waiting for the discomfort to become so unbearable that you feel you have to act. That's one of the most powerful forms of waiting. waiting until it gets worse so you can justify wanting better. I'm gonna say that again. Waiting until it gets worse is not a life plan. It's unnecessary suffering. And women are already very good at polite suffering. We can tolerate an astonishing amount and still show up with snacks, right? But toleration, it's not the same as self-trust. Toleration is often what happens when you've been trained to doubt your own needs. unless they become urgent. Now, I developed the unweighting method around a slightly different premise. You don't have to wait for a full-blown crisis to begin to tell yourself the truth. You don't have to wait until your resentment is big enough to have its own zip code. And you certainly do not have to wait until your body forces the conversation. You can begin with honesty right now, today. Not because everything is terrible. but because your life matters enough to stop measuring it only by what you can endure. Now, I want to make this practical because it's been a lot. When I talk about the Just Find Trap, I want you to think about five specific costs. Not because I want you to overanalyze your life into a spreadsheet. Although, if you love a spreadsheet, I respect your coping mechanisms. But I want you to do this because vague dissatisfaction is really hard to work with. Specific costs are much easier for us to see. The first cost has got to be your energy. Ask yourself, What drains me before the day even begins? What do I keep doing because it's expected, not because it's aligned with who I am? Where am I spending energy maintaining something that just no longer gives much back to me? Because energy is the first place that truth always shows up. Not always through dramatic burnout. Sometimes it's quieter than that. It's the heaviness before a meeting. It's the dread before a phone call. the way your body tightens before saying yes to something or saying no. The way you need more and more recovery from a life you keep insisting is just fine. The second cost has got to be your identity. Who have you become in order to keep this life functioning? Are you the dependable one? Maybe you're the reasonable one, the one who doesn't need too much. Maybe you're the one who can always handle the crisis or the one who does not ever complain or the one who keeps the peace. Are you the one who waits until everybody else is comfortable before she makes a move? These roles can be useful, it's true. They can also become expensive, even truer, because at some point you're gonna realize the role is getting more airtime than the real you. Now the third cost is your desire. This is a big one. What have you stopped wanting? Because wanting it felt inconvenient. What have you dismissed as unrealistic because it would require you to make a change? What do you secretly envy? and other women. That's a big one. do you judge yourself for? Envy? Envy can be useful information. Not the kind where you want to take somebody else down. I'm not talking about that kind of envy. That's not what I mean. I mean the kind of envy that says, she gave herself permission to do that thing. Something I've not let myself want out loud. That kind of envy is not a character flaw, but it is a clue. Now the fourth cost is your body. What does your body know that your brain keeps trying to negotiate down? Where are you tense or tired? Where are you saying, it's fine? While your body is quietly voting no. See, many women have been taught to treat the body as a project, a problem, or an ornament. Fix it, shrink it, discipline it, optimize and hack it. Apologize for it. But your body is also a source of information. And sometimes the body tells the truth before the mind is ready to make it convenient. The fifth cost is your self-trust. This is the cost underneath all the other costs because when you keep tolerating what drains you, ignoring what calls you, and postponing what matters to you, you don't just lose time. You lose evidence that you can trust yourself. You ignore the daily proof that your needs do matter. You lose the habit of listening inward before looking outward. And that feeling of being on your own side is gone. And that's what the unweighted and waiting method is really here to help you rebuild. Not with grand declarations or with a total life demolition or overhaul, but through an honest noticing, clear decisions, small actions and evidence you can point to. Because self-trust is not built by thinking about your life forever. It's built by responding to what you know to be true for yourself, one honest move at a time. Now, I wanna give you something practical to take away from this episode because this is a preview of a clarity practice inside the Quick Start, Mini Guide and Course. The link is in the show notes and in the description below if you wanna learn more about it. Now, I'm sharing part of it here because I don't want this episode to be one of those, well, that was emotionally accurate and now I need a nap. I want you to feel insight that's helpful, but insight without movement can become another waiting room for your life. And we're not doing that anymore. The Unwaiting Quickstart Guide is designed for exactly this moment when something has been named and now you need a clear doable next step to address it. Most clarity exercises ask you to think big. Imagine your ideal life, create the vision, write the 10-year plan. And there's nothing wrong with those exercises. They're great. But if you're deep in the just fine trap, what is your dream life? That can feel like being handed a blank canvas, 12 paint colors, and a mild panic attack. If anybody's been scared of a blank page, you get it. Because when your inner signal has been stifled for years, the big vision question can create pressure instead of clarity. So these questions work a little bit differently. They're not asking you to design your entire future. or even asking you to listen for what's already there. We're asking you to listen for the signal underneath that the it's just fine feeling. The part of you that knows what it wants, notices and lights up even if it's been sitting quietly in the background. If you had something to write with them and I ask you to grab it now, you don't need perfect answers or long answers. Get a pen, get some paper, a few honest words are enough. The point is not to impress yourself or even me. The point is to stop editing yourself. before you hear yourself clearly. Question one, what do I never get tired of talking about? Not what you're supposed to care about or not even what sounds impressive and not what fits your current identity. What do you naturally keep turning to again and again? What conversations make you feel more awake and alive and interested? What topics make you lose track of time? What ideas keep finding you? This question points towards natural energy and natural energy is often one of the first things to go kind of quiet when you're stuck in the just fine trap. Not because you stop being interested in life, but because the things that genuinely light you up can start to feel like luxuries when life gets full. They don't disappear though, they just get pushed down to the edges. Now this question brings all of those feelings back towards the center. ⁓ Question two, what have we always been curious about? but maybe never pursued. This could be a skill or a creative practice or even a career path. Maybe it's a new kind of relationship or a new way of living. It could even be a conversation that you keep avoiding. Are you dreaming of a version of yourself you keep circling, but never quite get to the heart of? This question matters because curiosity often survives where desire has been shamed into silence. Sometimes it feels safer to say, I'm just curious than to say, I want this. So let curiosity speak, resist the urge to make it practical. And don't ask how would it work or whether it makes sense. That doesn't matter right now. Just notice what's been tugging at you. Question three, if you knew you wouldn't fail and no one would judge you, that's important. What would you do first? Because both parts matter. If I knew I wouldn't fail removes the fear filter. If no one judged me, that removes the social monitoring filter. And most women are doing both all of the time. We're calculating risk and approval simultaneously. Can I do this? Will I be good at it? Will people understand? What if people think I'm ridiculous? Will they be disappointed in me somehow? Or will they think I'm selfish? And let me just say that the fear of seeming selfish has stolen a lot of women's lives, a lot. So for this question, remove both of those filters, please. No failure, no judgment. Just answer the question. What would you do first? Not eventually, the first honest move. The answer may be big or it could be surprisingly small. It may be something like I would take a class or I would tell the truth about something or I would stop saying yes all the time or I would wear the thing I'm afraid to wear because somebody's gonna see my arms or my legs, whatever. I'd book the trip. I would start writing. I would ask for help. That's a good one. Or I would stop pretending I don't want what I want. Whatever comes up for you first, just let it come up and don't negotiate it with it yet. Just write it down. Question four. Ask yourself what stood out to me the most across the three previous questions, because after you answer the first three, there's usually a thread, a word, a feeling, a pattern, a desire, a grief, an irritation, a little spark. Something that says, hey, pay attention. That is your biggest aha moment. Not because the questions created it, because it was already there. You just stopped being too busy, too responsible, too fine, or too edited to hear it. Now here's the next layer. Once you notice what stood out, ask yourself this. What have I been waiting for? Have I told myself I can only pursue the life I really want? when I love my body, when I feel confident, when I have more time, when everybody approves of what I wanna do or when I'm more qualified maybe, or when I'm less afraid, that's a big one. When I can guarantee the outcome, then I'll take the move. That's the waiting pattern. That is the piece we want to witness because once you can see it, you can begin to question it. And once you question it, you can begin to loosen its grip. Now, inside the Unweighting Quick Start Guided Mini Course, I'm going to take you deeper into this process. You'll choose one condition, one area of your life where the just fine trap has its strongest hold. You'll name what you actually want as the woman you are now, not the woman you used to be, not the woman who everyone expects, and certainly not the woman trying to keep things convenient. Then you're going to choose one clear, honest action you can take in the next 24 hours. Not a complete overhaul, not a dramatic reinvention montage, not a burden all down by Thursday situation. What we're doing is looking for one honest action, because the way out of waiting isn't usually a giant leap. It's one honest moves that prove to you, I'm listening now. So your practice this week is simple, but I don't want you to underestimate it. Simple is not the same as shallow. This week. I want you to take just 20 quiet minutes and look honestly at where just fine has become the cover story in your life. Not in the car while half listening to this and mentally adding paper towels to your grocery list. Actual peace and quiet. Ask yourself these three questions. First, where in my life have I been saying it's fine when what I really mean is I've learned to live with it? Second, what is that costing me? in energy and desire and honesty, body or self trust. Third, what am I waiting for before I allow myself to want something different? That third question, that's the one. That is where the pattern starts to really reveal itself. You may realize you're waiting for permission. You may realize you're waiting for confidence or you may realize you're waiting for certainty. It could be that you realize you're waiting for your body to change or You're waiting for life to calm down or I don't know that you're waiting for it to get so unbearable that choosing yourself finally feels justified. And what if that's what comes up? I want you to be very gentle with yourself because this isn't about shaming yourself for waiting. Not at all. Waiting once protected you. It may have even kept you safe. It may have helped you belong and it may have. helped you survive a season in your life where you didn't have the support, the options, the language, or the internal authority that you have now. So we're not attacking the waiting. We're witnessing it. We're going to say, I see what this pattern has been trying to do for me. And then we're asking, is it still serving the woman I am becoming? That's the shift. That is the unwaiting. Now here's what I want you to take from today. The just fine life is not a moral failure. It's often what happens when you've been optimizing for function for so long that feeling became optional. It's what happens when you've been meeting everybody else's needs for so long that your own got quietly pushed to the bottom of the list. It's what happens when you have been tolerating things for so long that you forgot there was ever a choice. And the reckoning, not about tearing everything down. It's about seeing clearly what is genuinely good and worth protecting. What's tolerable, but no longer necessary. What have you been carrying for so long that you forgot you could set it down? What desire do you still have that's been sitting underneath the fine, waiting for you to stop calling it inconvenient? Your just fine life is not free. It may be costing you energy or costing you desire. It may be costing you honesty or self-trust, and you don't have to wait for a crisis to tell the truth. You can begin with one honest question, one honest answer, and one honest move. That's exactly why I created the Unwaiting Quick Start Guide and Mini Course. It is a short, focused experience for the woman who has named the pattern and is ready to stop circling it. Inside the Mini Course, you're gonna work through the full clarity practice Identify where waiting has the strongest hold on you and choose one clear next step you can take in the next 24 hours. Not a complete life overhaul, not a 27 module commitment, not another pile of information to collect while pretending you're moving forward. This is a clear guided start because sometimes the most powerful shift isn't changing everything. Sometimes it's finally telling the truth about one thing and doing something with that truth. Again, The link is in the show notes and in the video description, the description below this video. Next week, we move into the A phase of the WAIT, W-A-I-T framework, a tune, reconnecting with your intuition. We have spent five weeks witnessing the patterns. Now we're gonna begin learning how to hear what's underneath them. Episode 116 is called Signals versus Spirals. Is it intuition, anxiety, or old conditioning? And this is one of my most important teachings because once you start questioning the just fine life, a lot of voices can start rushing in. Things like fear and worry and old rules, other people's opinions, that's a big one, your inner critic, who always somehow sounds very confident for somebody with such terrible ideas. So next week, we're gonna talk about the difference between the quiet, consistent voice of your inner wisdom or intuition and the loud, urgent, looping voice of anxiety, because they can sound a lot alike, but they're not the same thing. And once you know how to tell them apart, it changes how you make every decision. So if you've ever second guessed yourself into paralysis or acted from panic and then called it intuition, This episode is gonna give you something you can use immediately. Until then, ask yourself, where have I been calling something just fine because I was afraid to admit it was costing me? And what is one honest thing I am willing to stop tolerating quietly? I'm gonna see you next week. Bye for now.